Well, I fear we at Q.U. are about to lose our exclusive vending deal with visiting aliens.
You see, our Crypto-Culinary Arts staff long ago realized why aliens really visit Earth.
Banana Cream Pie.
It’s quite obvious when you think about it.
Everyone who has traveled inter-dimensionally or via quantum wormholes knows that any food you take with you tends to come out tasting a bit funny. I think it has to do with the data compression, or perhaps the matter-to-energy-to-matter conversion process.
The guys in the Q.U. Physics Department explained it as: (t/m) = (
Or in layman’s terms, all inanimate organic material comes out with a taste and a texture not unlike Twinkies used to sponge the sweat from beneath oversized man-breasts.
And while most people like Twinkies (and some are fond of man-breasts), I imagine it gets old after a while to eat nothing but.
Further, aliens are horribly unimaginative and unskilled when it comes to creating tasty dishes. I think it has to do with their lack of noses. Or perhaps they lost the necessary genes during a cloning glitch.
The point is, aliens decided to create sources of food at their destination points rather than bring the food with them.
Thus, the aliens nurtured our ape ancestors on along the evolutionary path as being the most likely to produce desirable foods (we already enjoyed bananas, you see, and the aliens saw the incredible potential in the fruit, and to a lesser extent in us).
And so, here we are, created specifically to invent new flavor experiences for our alien visitors. Q.U. being one of the few institutions aware of the above facts, and having established a relationship with the alien overlords who rule 3 out of the 10 leading world governments, we have had a pretty exclusive deal to provide pies to the visiting aliens.
We have, of course, been aware of their attempts to bypass us for some time. Their sad attempts to discover the secrets of making whipped cream have led to countless cow mutilations.
But now, apparently, they are getting serious about opening up to competing vendors. Hence, their “want ad” for pie, as illustrated below (taken from the Daily Mail site), which was recently left as a crop circle in the U.K.
(Footnote: In the provided physics formula, “t” is the Twinkienessence of the material in question, and “m” is the probability of man-breast sweat appearing spontaneously on Schrödinger’s brow were you to leave him trapped in a shielded box with a deadly gas pellet and one pissed-off cat. The rest is a traversable wormhole metric. (duh)).
Your Assignment:
Share any particular requests you believe aliens have made for foodstuffs, or your thoughts on crop circles, or wormhole travel. Or for that matter, a good banana cream pie recipe.
