(From the head of the Q.U. Marketing Team)
Trying to find print Speculative Fiction magazines outside the ethernet is quite a challenge. They are not generally available anywhere but in major bookstore chains, and even there they are well hidden. Consider:
(Hint: Look bottom right. No really, they are there, keep looking.).
So I decided to do a little guerilla product placement on my own.
Just sayin.
(From the head of the Q.U. Crypto-Gameology Department)
My game review of Fallout 3 and Fable 2 is up at Fantasy Magazine.
For those like myself who feel guilty after spending time playing a game instead of on more productive pursuits or, heck, interacting with other humans, how might you justify to yourself and others the time spent playing Fallout 3 or Fable 2?
Well, let’s look at the arguments you might make, and see if either sells you.
Click Here to Read the Brilliant Justifications …
As noted in the Fantasy Magazine "Fantasy Friday Blog for a Beer," Obama has been named President of the Marvel Universe.
As the (unofficial) self-appointed Spec-Fic Community Outreach Representatives for Obama, I would like to release the following (completely unauthorized) victory speech on behalf of President-elect Barack Obama:
My fellow Universians,
We stand at a historic moment in our collective Universes.
It was long believed that this day would never come. This is a defining moment in history, and a testament to all those who stood in line, who walked or flew or swung or teleported to the polling places, who cast aside cynicism and doubt to vote for hope, for change, for a better Universe – to all those who said "yes we can".
I would like to thank my father’s cousin T’Challa, the Black Panther, for his inspirational words a few minutes ago. He told me backstage how disappointing it was to see so few black heroes today, 42 years after his first appearance.
And so many of those heroes who have appeared reflect the racial stereotypes of their time. Ghetto Man, for example.
Click Here to Read the Rest of the Speech …
Here are some trends inspired by fantasy literature that a few brave souls tried out, but sadly failed to inspire a large-scale following.
HERALDPUNK – Inspiration: Mercedes Lackey’s Valdemar novels. Key Elements: white riding leathers. Outcome: Unfortunately, the lady who attempted to start this trend kept gettingasked by pasty-faced men to spank them. Just as well — Heralds have absolutely nothing to wear after Labor Day.
AIELPUNK – Inspiration: Jordan’s Wheel of Time series. Key Elements: Red-dyed hair; Desert cammo; Shoufa around the head; refusing to use a blade (uses chopstick instead to spear food). Outcome: Their fashion choice was not well received in an American airport, but their lawyers believe they will be released from Guantanamo soon. Said one, "Dude, the government has some serious Toh to us."
POTTERPUNK – Inspiration: Seriously, you need to ask? Key Elements: Public school students wearing fake Private School uniforms; Round eyeglasses; Wands; Death Eater tattoos; the Kitchen Sink. Outcome: Got frustrated trying to make field-Quiditch fun in real life; Rift over whether Dumbledore was really REALLY dead; kept being mistaken for somebody actually getting a quality education; Somebody gave them a sock, and freed them to read adult fantasy.
READ THE REST OF THIS THRILLING TALE OF DOOMED OTHERPUNK TRENDS …
(From "Current Jaffairs Magazine" Special
It seemed our struggle was nearly over, brothers and sisters. The system lords Bush and Cheney were on their way out, and there was hope that the terrible destruction they have wrought on our people would soon be addressed and undone.
For although they had somehow taken over McCain with one of Bush’s Guao’uld clones, it appeared that their attempt to prop up another false god in their place would surely fail.
But I fear an unholy alliance has risen.
(From the Head of the Q.U. Crypto-Political Sciences Department)
Look at this Ad for McDonalds. It features a young female of indeterminate ethnicity, and the taglines:
"Discover a career that fulfills your potential."
And
"It’s not just a job, it’s a career."
Okay, first of all, I have no wish to imply that those who work at McDonalds do not put in a hard day’s work. They certainly do, more than many in other more prestigious jobs.
But gods, how depressing if a job at McDonalds actually FULFILLS your POTENTIAL!
Seriously. If you feel this applies to you, I want you to go out right now to your local Community College (or Q.U. extension campus) and take some frickin’ continuing education classes if nothing else. Learn to draw, or paint, or dance, or sculpt, or take pictures, or write, or make nifty web pages, or even to cook culinary delights. Or go to a site like www.volunteermatch.org and flip burgers at a homeless shelter. Something! Please!
And the fact that it is not just a job but a career is, unfortunately, increasingly true for more and more Americans as our manufacturing and technology jobs are outsourced or shipped overseas where labor is cheaper, and/or better trained since they support actual working education and job training systems.
In fact, I just saw in the news today that
And egads, let’s not even get into the subtext of having a female minority face posted above such implications that a low-wage service job would fulfill your potential.
So how is this genre-related? Well, admittedly only loosely – in the sense that the Republicans are clearly living in a fantasy world when it comes to the economy, and the Democrats’ solutions to the problem sometimes sound like science fiction. And I fear that if McCain gets elected and pushes his backwards solutions on the country, this will turn into a true horror story.
From the Head of the Q.U. Crypto-Visual Media Department
Warner Brothers is suing a Bollywood film company because the title of their film is ‘Hari Puttar: A Comedy of Terrors.’ And Warner Bros. thinks that name is too much like Harry Potter.
Seriously.
Yet the film has nothing to do with wizards or magic. It is a Home Alone-style story. And according to the article, Hari is a common Indian name, and "puttar" means son.
Meanwhile, a quick search of the ethernet (purely as research for this article, I assure you) reveals that there are a number of porn movies that are actually based on the Harry Potter films:
Hairy Pooter and the Sorcerer’s Bone
Harry Potter in Hermione’s Chamber of Secrets
Read more on this fascinating topic…
From the Q.U. Crypto-Journalism Department:
Note: The following article was inspired by the Earth17a-reality events reported on via the ethernet here at BoingBoing.net.
This just in:
A man was holed up in his New Jersey home wielding what police officials referred to as “one of those giant knife thingy’s from Star Trek,” after police responded to a noise complaint. All non-lethal attempts to subdue the man with tear gas, rubber bullets, tasers, fire hoses, nets, a giant roll of fly paper, and sustained blasting of Celine Dion music failed.
“That knife thing is truly a formidable weapon,” one officer was quoted as saying. “Not at all unwieldy and impractical. Not at all.” The weapon was later identified as a Klingon “bat’leth.”
As the suspect appeared to have brown skin and a beard, the
Military negotiators were unable to communicate with the man as he was speaking some guttural language, presumed to be “one of them Arab languages” the negotiators claimed.
Unfortunately, due to the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy of the
Luckily, Chuck Davis, a local comic store owner, happened to see footage of the event on the news and rushed to the scene armed with a fluent knowledge of the language (which was apparently Klingon), and a deluxe replica lightsaber.
When asked about the cut on his arm,
Internal Memo from the Head of the Q.U. Crypto-Zoology Department
As you may have heard, the frozen Bigfoot found in the U.S. was “revealed” to be a hoax – just a gorilla suit frozen in a block of ice.
The Ethernet article to which the link above jumps to also mentioned, however, that the two men who purchased the Bigfoot also search for leprechauns and the Loch Ness monster.
As we here at Q.U. well know, leprechaun operatives from the U.S. Leprechaun Protection League actually spirited away the real Bigfoot corpse and replaced it with a fake. After all, if these men were to prove that Bigfoot is real, folks might start to consider the possibility that leprechauns are real as well, and no wee leprechaun would want that.
However, the leprechauns took this action without first consulting with Nessie, who was hoping to somehow leverage the resulting media exposure about her to raise awareness of issues such as ocean warming and pollution.
Nessie is therefore suing the leprechauns.
I have thus been advised by the Q.U. legal team that any queries you receive regarding Bigfoot, leprechauns, the Loch Ness Monster, environmental issues, or, as always, banana cream pies, should be forwarded to them and NOT responded to.
Thank you all for your cooperation.
A penguin in Scotland was knighted by the Norwegians. I don’t really have any commentary on it — the story pretty well stands on its own.
I will say, however, that the penguin speaks remarkable Norwegian Penguinese — you can’t even hear his Scottish Penguinese brogue. Which is actually kind of a shame, because his brogue is so damned charming.
Author, relapsed sarcasm addict, Clarion West graduate, milkshake connoisseur, winner of Writers of the Future, and member of Dungeon Scrawlers.
Randy’s humorous contemporary fantasy series from TOR (US) and Titan (UK) includes:
Bigfootloose and Finn Fancy Free,
now available for purchase, reading, and use in questionable acts.
In this sequel to Randy Henderson's acclaimed debut novel, Finn Fancy Necromancy, Randy Henderson spins another tale full of adventure, magic, and laughs, exploring in more depth the magical world and characters introduced in the first book.
More info →
“… it’s an urban fantasy, one that takes place in and around present-day Seattle. But even though it deals with sinister magic and family tragedy, it counterbalances that darkness with something that’s become increasingly rare in fantasy fiction: laughs, laughs, and more laughs.” -- NPR
More info → 
