Shmorgh is Bored – the Interweb Home of Randy Henderson

(From "Current Jaffairs Magazine" Special Jaffa Reporter)

 

It seemed our struggle was nearly over, brothers and sisters.  The system lords Bush and Cheney were on their way out, and there was hope that the terrible destruction they have wrought on our people would soon be addressed and undone.

 

For although they had somehow taken over McCain with one of Bush’s Guao’uld clones, it appeared that their attempt to prop up another false god in their place would surely fail.

  

 

But I fear an unholy alliance has risen. 

 

Recently, a woman appeared demonstrating amazing powers of persuasion – she is an Ori-publican.  True, she was just reading a speech written by Bush’s speechwriter.  But still, her words swayed the crowds.

 

And now there is a very real chance she shall ascend to another plane of power, to the highest state of office in our nation.

 

Dr. Jackson thinks that speaking words of reason and truth is our best bet for battling this new threat, and to show the people that fear is no reason to allow themselves to be subjugated once more.  Given how past elections have run, I doubt it.  But here I will attempt his strategy anyway.

 

Who Is this Ori-publican, Sarah Palin?

 

She is a woman who said thanks but no thanks to that Stargate to nowhere.  Literally.  First she said thanks, then she said no thanks.  First, she campaigned in support of it.  Then, after the project was pretty much killed by the IOC anyway, she said "no thanks" to the stargate itself… but kept most of the money to spend on other things.

 

She is a woman who promises to end the "abuses of earmark spending…" but has requested hundreds of millions of dollars in earmarks during her time as a Prior of Wasilla, and then Doci of planet AK1-USA.

 

She is a mother who has helped her pregnant daughter make difficult choices – and now wants the government to take away your right to make your own choices on the same issue.  Even if your daughter were raped, in fact, she would have the government tell you what your choices are (and what they aren’t). 

 

Her strongest and least falsified qualifications are the moves she took to rid her government of corruption, and reduce costs.  But even that was arguably driven as much by political strategy as anything, since corruption among the system lords was the main concern of her people at the time, and fighting it was a good way to get herself promoted and popular.  Still, even if you take a less cynical view of her actions, on their own they hardly qualify her to be the leader of the free Jaffa nation.

 

And so, brothers and sisters, it seems we have one more great battle to win before we know true freedom. 

 

It has been revealed that the blind faith of Palin’s followers feeds her power, which she then shares with her new Doci, McCain. 

 
In fact, before her joining his campaign, McCain’s speeches drew in crowds of hundreds.  Now, when the two appear together, they draw in crowds of thousands.  No doubt part of this is just the wave of excitement and newness following her unveiling to the galaxy.  But with the many false controversies they spin around her, and the claims of sexism against anyone who opposes her, they may be able to maintain their momentum much longer than her true qualities warrant.

 

Indeed, even though the qualifications of this Ori-publican to be our leader is mostly the product of flash, spin, and hype, she nonetheless presents a real danger to our freedom, our security, and the future success of our nation.